Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
