i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize