You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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