Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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