hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
