Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ttyl tear gas
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
