im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
