im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
