so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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