even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
