It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
