she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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