i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
