There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
