just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
