I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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