Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
