I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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