I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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