Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
