i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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