god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
