I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
