question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
