I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
