Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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