i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
