My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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