Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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