things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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