Where is the hickey?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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