mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
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She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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