I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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