One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
