I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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