I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
