I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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