The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
