don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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