Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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