Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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