even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
