Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
