What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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