First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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