It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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