Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
