Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
