Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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