At least make sure they are 18
Why
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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