Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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