i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
