so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize