I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
