You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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