Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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