just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
