Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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