the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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