Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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