this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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