Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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