this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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