Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
