It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
