Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is my gift to your gina
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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