whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
