Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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