told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
