who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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