Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
