I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
