Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
