Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
