You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
