I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
