woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
