i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
